Mucho Online Dating

Well, folks, I accidentally fell in love with Cherry, so this blog is over for at least a while.

I’ve been seeing her exclusively for about 5 months now. I just couldn’t help myself.

Well, it turns out that Cherry rocks.

On a recent date, I decided that I should finally muster up the courage to tell her that I wasn’t looking for any type of commitment, before she got hurt. I decided to do this at the end of the date, so as to not spoil the evening.

I brought this up by telling her first of all how awesome I think she is. Then I mentioned that despite that, I am not in a place right now where I can make any sort of commitment. Her response was just about perfect: “Yes, I know that you have a lot of things going on in your life right now, and I don’t want to be another thing that you have to worry about. I just want to be a pleasant distraction for you when you have time for me.”

I mean, seriously, does it get any better than that?

Since having this discussion, I’ve been able to relax around her quite a bit. Now that I know that she understands the situation, I don’t have to worry about hurting her. As a result, I’ve been treating her more like my girlfriend. I like doing nice boyfriendy things for her, but I was worried about her getting the wrong idea before. So that’s been really nice, and I am getting to like her more and more. Plus, she re-iterated to me recently that she doesn’t expect anything from me, nor does she want to put any pressure on me. She’s all kinds of awesome.

Well, it turns out that Cat is crazy.

She found me on facebook, and we had a disturbing conversation that led to me discovering that there is now a line forming of women in San Diego that want to fuck me, and the Cat considers herself to be second in line after Claire.

I certainly found this flattering, but that is a really, really strange thing to say to somebody.

So, there are three things that are very likely to occur when I go out drinking with Kelly:

1. I will drink too much.
2. I will make out with a large portion of the people we hang out with.
3. I will get ejected from the bar.

I managed to accomplish all three in San Diego on Saturday.

I wanted to spend a couple of extra days in SD in order to see what it would be like to live out there. I knew that I wanted to see the night life and meet people; I really don’t care about the city outside of the social scene. So Kelly and James called up a bunch of their friends and took me out dancing at a place called Martini Ranch. Apparently, people really bring it when they dress up to go out in SD, so I had to bring my A-game, which was awesome. Kelly’s high school friend Claire Bear met us at Kelly’s for some pre-gaming. When I had met her at the Gay Marriage party on Thursday, I didn’t really give her a second glance, but Jesus god did she ever look hot when she really put in the effort. I was enraptured.

After the pre-gaming, we headed out for our night on the town and met up with Lauren, Key, Erin, Julian and New Zealand Tim. I was impressed that our guy-girl ratio was 4-5, which is much better than usual for me. Of course, all of the women had boyfriends. But not all of the boyfriends were there.

At one point in the evening, I actually opened a set by walking up to them and screaming at them, which was a pretty fracking weird thing to do. Even weirder, it kind of worked. After I left the set, one of the girls chased after me to give me a high five. It was at this point that Kelly grabbed me and introduced me to the Adios Motherfucker, which, as it turned out, was my ultimate downfall. One Adios (plus all the booze beforehand), and I was completely shit-fucked drunk out of my mind. Damn you, Kelly and my lack of self-control!

Fastforward 20 minutes, and I am hanging out upstairs with Kelly, James, Claire and Tim. We are dancing and getting raucous, and at some point I start passionately kissing Claire. This segued into making out with Kelly and James, which was fun, but you know, been there, done that. I much preferred Claire Bear. Kelly kept telling me to stop macking on her since she had a boyfriend. I couldn’t figure out why Kelly would want to say this to me. I mean, clearly she didn’t mind making out with me, boyfriend or no. My inclination was to think that Kelly wanted me to herself, but there were plenty of boys there for her. Maybe she knows the BF, and felt bad for him?

At some point during the crazy dancing and making out, Tim’s shirt came off, which I found very inappropriate. And shortly after that, we were asked to tone it down. Kelly and Claire freaked out over this, claiming that what they meant by “tone it down” was “be less gay” (the bouncer approached us while James and I were sharing a fairly intense kiss). So Kelly and Claire accosted the bouncer, calling him a homophobe, and then came back to the group. We proceeded to interpret “tone it down” as “go batshit crazy and turn this group makeout session into a full-on orgy.” And of course, this was when we were escorted from the building.

On the drive back with Kelly, James (DD) and Claire, we discussed how we all immensely enjoy being ejected from a bar or club. It gives us a sense of accomplishment. It means we partied like fucking rockstars. It means we stood out from the herd that was casually fitting in by not being thrown out. We felt pretty damn good about ourselves.

When we got back to Kelly and James’ place, it was my intent to bed Claire, but somehow I ended up in bed with Kelly and James, instead. The details are fuzzy, but perhaps this was another attempt on Kelly’s part to get my attention for herself, or to shield me from rejection from Claire or to shield Claire’s BF from her cheating on him. Not really sure. What I do know is that I had an awesome time, and I love waking up in someone else’s bed, even if it is the bed of a committed couple. I love that feeling of, “Where am I? Oh, right, I had an awesome time last night.”

Also, Claire added me on facebook, and her profile says that she is in an open relationship. So what the hell was all that noise from Kelly about?

I randomly landed in San Diego on Tuesday night for a three-day job interview starting on Wednesday. On Thursday, the California Supreme court overturned the gay marriage ban, and Kelly and James threw a party to celebrate. Now, knowing full well that I had a phone interview at 6am, and the third day of the interview here in Cali at 8am, and that Kelly often encourages me to drink too much, I attended the party like the irresponsible young man that I am.

I was worried that there would be no sexual options for me at the party, since it was a party to celebrate the legalization of gay marriage, but my worries were unfounded. At some point in the evening, after many drinks, I walked up to the hottest single girl there, Kat, and started making out with her. It seems like a pretty aggressive and crazy opener, but she seemed to like it, and later in the evening I took her into a spare bedroom for oral sex.

At the end of the evening, I tried to get her to come back to my hotel with me. She was initially into it, but bailed at the last minute. I think she probably started to realize that she is part of a society that encourages women not to sleep with men that they hardly know. But no big deal, I got home at 4am (22 hours after I had woken up), and fell asleep masturbating. It seems my desire to sleep overcame my desire to orgasm.

Ashvin and I came up with a new business plan today. We are going to start a brothel called “One Bang or Another.” When a new customer comes in, we will purchase a life insurance plan for him with One Bang or Another as the sole beneficiary. Each time a customer desires sex with one of our prostitutes, we hand him a handgun with six chambers and one bullet. If he manages to point the gun at his head, pull the trigger, and survive, he will be escorted to a private room by a lovely prostitute of his choice for whatever wild monkey sex his heart desires. One bang, or another.

If the business is to be profitable, we must satisfy the following equation:

where P is the payout on the life insurance policy, N is the expected number of visits per customer, and C is the total expected cost of the life insurance policy.

Scheduled my 5th date with Cherry. Dancing this time. I’m excited about it; my kino escalation is much better on the dance floor. The 5th date is the sex date, yeah? Maybe I’ll finally muster the courage to kiss her. Jesus god that’s pathetic.

I am starting to really like her, though. We seem to be vibing well at this point, and she sounds all cute on the phone. I’m also starting to suspect that my initial assessment was off. I think she is fully aware and accepting of me not looking for something serious.

I met Anya for reasons I don’t quite understand. We both agreed ahead of time that we were not romantically compatible (she has no interest in polygamy and I have no interest in monogamy), and yet we agreed to go on a date nonetheless.

It got weirder when I met her. Her profile claims that she is 22, and, while I do believe that she is that age, she looked like she was about 14. In addition to this, her social skills were somewhat lacking. For example, it was hard to get her to open up.

So that was generally strange, but fun nonetheless. I don’t envision a second date, though. I mean, I do like younger women, but 14 is pushing it even for me.

On Saturday, Steve had two dates with non-fat women that he met on OKCupid. He told me that they were both very attractive, but I can only verify that for one of them (the aforementioned Japanese girl). I was very impressed with Steve’s prowess in the online dating world, and I think I need to learn from him. What do you say, Steve, can you give me some pointers?

One thing I noticed that he did differently from me is to use instant messaging to meet women. I’ve pretty much avoided the IM thing for two reasons: 1) it can easily suck up huge amounts of time without my noticing and 2) many details of my life are revealed in my IM status. Thinking about it now, though, I realize that: 1) online dating already takes up huge amounts of time without my noticing and 2) I can use IM without revealing my AIM screen name by using the site’s IM client. So now I think I should try IM for the simple reason that it works so well for Steven. How do you start those conversations?

I went to what seemed like a couples-only party on Saturday night. I can’t say for sure that there were no single women there, but it sure felt that way. It’s kind of a lonely experience to be single at a couples’ party.

I did get to meet one of Steve’s dates, though. She was cute, interesting and Japanese. Steve told me later that he was worried that I would steal her away with my superior Japanese and PUA skills. I found this kind of funny since I think that Steve is in some ways a natural, even if he does often come on too strongly. Also, I would never purposely sabotage a friend’s date.

On the other hand, if things don’t work out between you two, Steve, can you hook a brother up with her number?